Summer job recap

So at Math Monkey, we have a set of rules.

They are really just guidelines — you could probably call them strong suggestions — that we use to keep the students from climbing the walls while we’re trying to teach them Magic of 11. The rules are simple, and should be reviewed before each class so as to preemptively nip theΒ mischievousΒ ideas the kids are having before they have time to whisper the plan to their desk partner.

The rules/guidelines/whatever are essentially as follows:

1. Only squeak once. (Context: we have these dog toys that the kids use to ‘ring in’ when they have an answer.)

2. Keep your shoes on at all times.

3. No talking unless hand raised.

4. Ask to go to the bathroom or to get water.

However, after working there for three months, I feel as though the rules should be changed a bit to include more… specific scenarios. You see, the problem with general blanket rules like “no talking” are that the students feel free to interpret them however they want. When the details of a rule are not explicitly explained, their brains think that basically anything goes.

Take the squeakers, for example. They are little gorillas, like this:

The students have at their desks squeakers, a dry erase marker, a dry erase board, and an eraser. Now, the logical combination of those items is marker/eraser/board and then squeaker. However, since there is no rule concerning squeakers except to only squeak them once, the kids make their own combos.

And by that, I mean they draw on the squeakers. During my class. While they are supposed to be paying attention and not destroying the equipment that I am responsible for cleaning with all-purpose bleach Lysol. And by cleaning, I mean scrubbing.

I hope I’ve made myself clear. For the kids who still don’t understand, I propose a new set of rules.

Julia’s rules for Math Monkey classes (MUST BE FOLLOWED AT ALL TIMES):

1. Don’t draw on the squeakers.

2. Don’t draw nipples on the squeakers.

3. Don’t draw smiley faces on the squeakers.

4. Don’t draw mustaches on the squeakers.

5. Don’t draw hearts on the squeakers.

6. Don’t draw polka dots on the squeakers.

7. Don’t write your name on the squeakers. (Seriously, does this even make sense? Now I know who did the crime.)

8. Don’t wear flip flops to class. You will end up trying to fling them across the room for the duration of the class, and I (the teacher) will be angry at you.

9. Don’t spin in your chair. When there are 8 of you spinning in different directions, I feel like I’m going to get seasick.

10. Don’t draw on your board while you’re supposed to be doing math.

11. Don’t walk up to my big dry erase board and rake your fingers through the problems that I’ve written. (WHYYY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THIS?)

12. Don’t ask me how many points you have in the middle of class.

13. If you have something irrelevant to say, like “Today is my aunt’s birthday. She lives in Connecticut and she has a cocker spaniel dog named Charlie and sometimes when we go to her house I get to play tug of war with him and he slobbers on me,” just tell me after class.

14. When I ask you what the answer to a question is, don’t say “diaper.”

15. When we’re skip counting, sit criss cross applesauce.

16. Sit criss cross applesauce.

17. Did you not hear me? I said stop trying to do cartwheels and sit criss cross applesauce.

18. Don’t draw on the squeakers.

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