So, summer.

I think (????) I may be done with this semester, and therefore, this year, and therefore, my first year at UF. Wow.

Right now is not the time for reflection, though, nor going through pictures. I’m too sick of this semester to do that right now.

Instead, I want to blog frankly about the beginning-of-summer feeling.

It’s so weird. It’s the same every year, you know? And I guess it has been the same every year.

It’s this feeling of crazy hopefulness. It’s this I-can-do-anything-over-the-next-three-months feeling. It’s this combo feeling of warmth and anticipation, it’s this picture in my head of freedom, it’s all these idealistic, optimistic, probably impossible goals constantly flitting in and out of my mind. It’s sweet and sad and crazy and wonderful. It’s unpredictable yet so predictable.

It’s indescribable, I guess is what I’m trying to say. There’s nothing like it. Spring Break is no substitute for this feeling. I don’t think about it all year, but as soon as I’m experiencing it, it’s like, “Yeah, well, that’s spot-on.”

I’ve blogged about it before – here and here and probably elsewhere but it’s 2:02am and I’m not in the mood to do hardcore searching.

Summer also seriously intimidates me. I hate change, and that means that this summer is probably going to be really hard. I feel like I’ve justΒ gotten things under control here, and now I’m expected to leave? (Not that it’s too much different. Right…?) My mind is going to explode.

I just feel like that over the summers — while a lot of stuff admittedly falls together — so much falls apart. I’m so intensely worried about all of that stuff that I can’t sit here and revel in my summer-just-started high because of everything I need to face when I get back home.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pumped to go home. I miss having my own room and I REALLY miss my family. But I also don’t miss a lot of things. :\

But hey, good things happen in the summer, right? I don’t need to be totally depressed? I mean, there’s like, vacation and stuff, right? And pool time. And getting tan. And cooking summery foods.

Half of me wants to make some giant list about my summer goals, but the other half says that no way should I, because it’ll just be unrealistic expectations. There are a few things I want to do, like clean my room ASAP and go grocery shopping for good ingredients and stuff.

But really, I’ll tell you what I want: I want to drive around with my boyfriend with the music up really loud, singing along to the songs with the windows down. I want to go on adventures with my friends (and Simon). I want to get tan and go to the beach way too much. I want to make and eat good food and have dozens of playlists and take hundreds of pictures. I just want to be happy.

However, if anything, I become more prolific in the summer… I started blogging four years ago at the beginning of summer.

Crazy, right? We’ll see what happens!

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